First, be aware of all the conceptions that Americans might have of Canadians, especially if they're misconceptions, so you can then act just the opposite.
1. All Canadians are French and speak French
2. Canadians come from Toronto
3. Canadian currency looks like play money
4. Canadians are lousy tippers in restaurants
5. Canadians use their turn signals
6. Canadians engage ther turn signals a half mile before they actually make the turn
7. Canadians always come to a complete stop at stop signs
8. Canadians have accents
9. Canadians live in cold and snow approximately year-round
10. Canadians say "eh"
Okay, let's address each and every point here and see how you can make yourself fit in when you go to Florida.
1. Never speak French, even if you're from Quebec
2. Never say you're from Toronto. Tell the truth. You're from Oakville or Newmarket or Etobicoke, aren't you? Or Nebraska.
3. Leave the colorful play money at home. Arrive only with the dull stuff, the U.S. bills.
4. Tip like crazy, say 25%. even in fast food restaurants where no tip is required
5. Tie down that turn signal so you aren't tempted to use it
6. See number five
7. The American stop means slow down, then keep on going. It's actually fun once you've tried it
8. Adopt a Yankee way of talking - Massachusetts or Maine accent, or a southern one, a drawl, a slur of drawn-out vowels. Study up before you get to Florida by watching TV's chef Paula Deene or old tapes of John F. Kennedy
9. Make sure people know that 90 degree heat is barely warm enough for you. Do not go in the water whatsoever unless it's summertime when Americans go in, and the gulf is 88 degrees and steamy.
10. "Eh" was a joke perpetrated by a couple of comedians who used it excessively way back when. Never let it cross your lips even when it wants to.
A few extras of advice here.
Laugh about the high speed limits in Canada, like 100 kph on a highway. The k doesn't stand for kilometers - it stands for "kicks".
Throw in the odd Canadian tasteless joke at happy hour, which runs pretty much all day in the condo parking lot.
If you watch sports, only talk about the American teams, as if the Canadian ones don't even exist.
Your biggest problem will be your license plates, plural. Americans have only one, on the rear. You're flashing two, so they can spot you coming and going.
Some stupid and illegal tips for this are: switch plates with two American cars, or paint over your plate then paint on the Florida one, or steal plates then duct tape them to yours, duct tape being the universal and therefore acceptable favorite of all tapes.
Don't say zed - it's zee. it may take getting used to, but you can do it.
Postal codes are zip codes.
And if you drive an expensive car, run it through a Georgia mudbath before crossing the border into Florida. And keep it dirty, so you won't stand out as being "one of those".
If all these fail on you, and you're spotted for the foreigner that you are, just embrace it and take the hits, or you can turn around and head back home - the cowardly thing to do.
1. All Canadians are French and speak French
2. Canadians come from Toronto
3. Canadian currency looks like play money
4. Canadians are lousy tippers in restaurants
5. Canadians use their turn signals
6. Canadians engage ther turn signals a half mile before they actually make the turn
7. Canadians always come to a complete stop at stop signs
8. Canadians have accents
9. Canadians live in cold and snow approximately year-round
10. Canadians say "eh"
Okay, let's address each and every point here and see how you can make yourself fit in when you go to Florida.
1. Never speak French, even if you're from Quebec
2. Never say you're from Toronto. Tell the truth. You're from Oakville or Newmarket or Etobicoke, aren't you? Or Nebraska.
3. Leave the colorful play money at home. Arrive only with the dull stuff, the U.S. bills.
4. Tip like crazy, say 25%. even in fast food restaurants where no tip is required
5. Tie down that turn signal so you aren't tempted to use it
6. See number five
7. The American stop means slow down, then keep on going. It's actually fun once you've tried it
8. Adopt a Yankee way of talking - Massachusetts or Maine accent, or a southern one, a drawl, a slur of drawn-out vowels. Study up before you get to Florida by watching TV's chef Paula Deene or old tapes of John F. Kennedy
9. Make sure people know that 90 degree heat is barely warm enough for you. Do not go in the water whatsoever unless it's summertime when Americans go in, and the gulf is 88 degrees and steamy.
10. "Eh" was a joke perpetrated by a couple of comedians who used it excessively way back when. Never let it cross your lips even when it wants to.
A few extras of advice here.
Laugh about the high speed limits in Canada, like 100 kph on a highway. The k doesn't stand for kilometers - it stands for "kicks".
Throw in the odd Canadian tasteless joke at happy hour, which runs pretty much all day in the condo parking lot.
If you watch sports, only talk about the American teams, as if the Canadian ones don't even exist.
Your biggest problem will be your license plates, plural. Americans have only one, on the rear. You're flashing two, so they can spot you coming and going.
Some stupid and illegal tips for this are: switch plates with two American cars, or paint over your plate then paint on the Florida one, or steal plates then duct tape them to yours, duct tape being the universal and therefore acceptable favorite of all tapes.
Don't say zed - it's zee. it may take getting used to, but you can do it.
Postal codes are zip codes.
And if you drive an expensive car, run it through a Georgia mudbath before crossing the border into Florida. And keep it dirty, so you won't stand out as being "one of those".
If all these fail on you, and you're spotted for the foreigner that you are, just embrace it and take the hits, or you can turn around and head back home - the cowardly thing to do.
I got someee!
ReplyDelete1. Never mention Winnipeg. To Americans, Winnipeg is where Winnie the Pooh lives and still dwells.
2. The Canadian side of Niagra falls is apparently safer than the American side. Say the opposite of the falls in the USA.
3. Never say the french word for 'seal' in the US. It's a swear in English.
The funniest part of this... I thought I was going to Ace this and know everything already... But nooope, I learned a lot of stuff. I just laughed and laughed :P lol